Archive for September, 2010

September 23, 2010

my life is a quest to be understood

i took a mental break from life the last couple of months. shirked many responsibilities and let people down around me. call it a midlife crisis if you will — but just another invented label. I read somewhere that crisis in Chinese means “dangerous opportunity” with a direct translation. That’s true. When we enter crisis mode, you can either collapse or win. I don’t think there’s many other choices. Because my father passed away at 53 years — and I’m 27 — I think I’m allowed to say I’m having my midlife crisis without you looking at me with the same look if you saw Michael Jackson doing a line of coke off Lindsay Lohan’s lower back. My uncle also died in his forties. I kind of feel like I’ve lived half my life already. I guess I’ve been trying to figure out how I want to live the other half.

I’m keeping this post private until further notice. So I guess this is basically a legit diary entry — with the intention of being released later on. Hopefully I don’t die on the motorcycle I just bought.

I’ve been running around without a care in the world and neglecting my company. I’ve disappointed some people close to me — which is really all the motivation I need to get back in and handle business. It’s not about my life anymore. It’s about the effect I have on other people. I just want to improve the peoples’ lives who decide to associate with me. Even if it’s an old lady I help cross the street — that’s improving someone’s life. Making my waitress laugh and smiling at people on the sidewalk. Creating a company that supports the people close to me so that we can all have a good time. Motivating with positive reinforcement because the world doesn’t need any more negativity. Trust me, I’m still a big asshole though so just stay out of my way and give me what I want.

I need to know who’s here for me, and who’s here for other reasons. I’ll post this because I’ve stopped caring if people find out who I really am.

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September 10, 2010

My dad never told me he loved me

He went to all my baseball games

He took me to school every day of my life until I could drive

He cooked breakfast for me every day and woke me up for school