Archive for September, 2010

September 23, 2010

my life is a quest to be understood

i took a mental break from life the last couple of months. shirked many responsibilities and let people down around me. call it a midlife crisis if you will — but just another invented label. I read somewhere that crisis in Chinese means “dangerous opportunity” with a direct translation. That’s true. When we enter crisis mode, you can either collapse or win. I don’t think there’s many other choices. Because my father passed away at 53 years — and I’m 27 — I think I’m allowed to say I’m having my midlife crisis without you looking at me with the same look if you saw Michael Jackson doing a line of coke off Lindsay Lohan’s lower back. My uncle also died in his forties. I kind of feel like I’ve lived half my life already. I guess I’ve been trying to figure out how I want to live the other half.

I’m keeping this post private until further notice. So I guess this is basically a legit diary entry — with the intention of being released later on. Hopefully I don’t die on the motorcycle I just bought.

I’ve been running around without a care in the world and neglecting my company. I’ve disappointed some people close to me — which is really all the motivation I need to get back in and handle business. It’s not about my life anymore. It’s about the effect I have on other people. I just want to improve the peoples’ lives who decide to associate with me. Even if it’s an old lady I help cross the street — that’s improving someone’s life. Making my waitress laugh and smiling at people on the sidewalk. Creating a company that supports the people close to me so that we can all have a good time. Motivating with positive reinforcement because the world doesn’t need any more negativity. Trust me, I’m still a big asshole though so just stay out of my way and give me what I want.

I need to know who’s here for me, and who’s here for other reasons. I’ll post this because I’ve stopped caring if people find out who I really am.

September 10, 2010

My dad never told me he loved me

He went to all my baseball games

He took me to school every day of my life until I could drive

He cooked breakfast for me every day and woke me up for school